Life seems to cause us to put limits on what we do, who we think we should be, and how we live our lives. Reality? WE are the ones who impose those limits on ourselves. A wise man in my life whom I asked for advice once said, "You need to make the best decision for you Jolene. If you decide X, people will judge you. If you decide Y, people will still judge you. So do what's right for you." And I do. And he was right. And people still judge me. It's not that I don't care, I just don't have any control over it so I choose not to focus on it or expend any energy on it. And it serves me very well. There's a type of freedom I can't explain that comes from living your life this way. Not selfishness. As they say in the airlines "put on your own oxygen mask before helping others." So that's what I do because you can't help someone else with something that you can't or don't already do for yourself. You might ask, "How do you 'just do that' Jolene"? Well, it takes practice, patience and persistence just as anything may. But more formally I follow the practice of mindfullness. It's also referred to as mindful meditation. Still curious? Learn more here: My thoughts for this post first arrived last weekend as I was sitting on the end of a dock on Burntside Lake near the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota. Admiring pure, somewhat untouched nature. Seemingly no boundaries. That same day I fell asleep in the warm sun on that dock for what felt like hours and I came to realize was only 20 minutes. But the impact it had was priceless. In eight days, Jason and I move to Denver with some certainty that we may never move back to Minnesota. But based on my above thoughts, nothing in life is certain. We're looking forward to exploring the world with our wild curiosity and no boundaries. We have an apartment in the city. I'll telecommute and still travel for work. He has a shop space a few miles away wherre he'll work. And for now, those are the only "knowns." The rest has no boundaries.
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dear life, I feel by now we should know each other better than we ever have before. But we're both still learning, everyday... everything... all the time... from everyone. I guess it's somewhat safe to admit that I was sheltered for at least half of my life. From what, by whom and why I'm not really sure. Not sure I'll ever know. And it doesn't matter. Because what does matter is today and tomorrow. I feel like I'm at another major turning point in my life and it causes me to pause and reflect. On who I am, where I started and where I'm going (I wish I knew! Well, not really, actually.) The journey is where all the fun is, not just the destination. So let's start where it all began. Some of this story I was told, several times by many people, so the true beginning is still a bit of a mystery to me. My mom, or my birth mother actually, Gina (we'll call her Gina, because that's her name) and my birth father (Glen is his name) surprised this world with me at an early age. From what I remember as the story goes, she was 15, he was 16, and neither in a position to have a baby or be parents. Glen's family did not support the idea from the beginning and tried to convince Gina to "end things before they started" if you get what I mean. Gina, on the other hand, was compelled to carry through with the birth but knew keeping me was not the right thing to do. For me. That, I believe, is where my independence comes from. On October 15, 1978, baby Jenny (me) was born in Austin, MN at Mower County Hospital. Delivered from my birth mother, with support from her friend James (or Jim he goes by) and assigned to a foster family until a permanent home was found. I was told I didn't cry much during my time in foster care and I wonder if it's because I was taking it all in. That's what I do. Even now. Where I was, who I was with, knowing something greater was out there and that whatever was happening today was for a reason I had yet to discover. But there always was one. A reason. Little did I know at that moment... Two hours north in the Twin Cities, John and Karen met at Como Lake one summer. Karen hanging out with her best friend, John with his. Walking around the lake, they happened upon each other and started talking. City boys, country girls (the "country" at that time I'm referring to was what we know now as the suburb of Plymouth, MN.) John and Karen just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary. The same for their best friends, who are all still friends today. That is who I really call mom and dad. More to unfold between the beginning and the now... I remember my childhood being spent outdoors, playing at the park with friends, hiding in the woods until dusk, swimming at cabins, waterskiing, playing tennis and downhill skiing, laughing with friends, ice skating, cross country skiing with my parents, hiking, camping, dancing, canoeing, falling asleep happy and exhausted. And always looking forward to another day of the same. And then something changed. I was 32 years old and 190 lbs, a small size 14 but a large 12. I hated the way I looked in the mirror and hated even more the way it felt to wear my clothes. It was the first time in my life I had ever started to focus on the numbers. Amidst it all, I became noticeably unhappy. Then, there was a moment (somewhere around November 2011 if I had to put my finger on it...) when I realized that the one who could make changes was me. So it began. It wasn't easy and it definitely didn't happen overnight but the hard work and determination were worth every minute of the reward: my revitalized health and renewed happiness that had been buried years before. My vow to myself (even though I'm not yet at the finish line) is to never go back to "that place." Some might say it was 15...20 years in the making. Long nights of drinking with friends, family, neighbors, colleagues, college roommates, the list goes on... Late night snacking to cure those "hunger" pangs... Late night dining brought on by the long nights of drinking (see first one listed here)... Lack of regular activity... Other frequent and unnecessary indulging... I'm thinking by now you get the picture. I didn't focus on one thing specifically or specific foods but rather on changing habits. Habits, those things we hear about but many of us never change, start or sustain. But I did, and it worked! I made tweaks to my diet, which have now become habits. I made tweaks to my activities (which eventually turned into goals to challenge myself) but the trick to all of this for me was two things I believe about almost everything in life: patience and persistence. I share this excerpt of my journey with you not because I think everyone needs to lose weight but because its one recent chapter in my life and I believe that everyone has the power of choice to change what they want in their lives. Other examples? Stagnant friendships, living in another city, standing up for what you believe in, rekindling friendships, repairing family connections, getting promoted, getting a raise, changing career fields, getting back in to the workforce...I'm sure you could continue to add to this list...and I know you will. And that's my challenge to you. |
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